About Me
I started my coaching method with one goal in mind: to help people find peace in their relationships, and life. My background in counseling combined with my personal interest in trauma recovery help others focus, reflect, and refine their lives.
I understand the complexity of trauma firsthand. I grew up in an alcoholic household where boundaries did not exist. I am a survivor of incest, sexual abuse and emotional abuse from both my parents. I developed addictions to drugs and other substances in an effort to cope and manage the pain. I am a survivor of domestic abuse and domestic violence which started in childhood and continued in my adult relationships. I have lost my home, my job and my sanity several times in life. I have struggled with anxiety and depression. I have contemplated taking my own life. I have neglected my needs and wants in all my relationships because I believed myself to be unworthy of love. I admitted myself to the hospital due to severe stress and emotional instability. I have behaved and spoken unkind to everyone I love and care about. This includes myself.
When I was in it I was oblivious to how I was behaving. I was too busy watching and waiting to see what everyone else was doing. Avoiding myself. Refusing to see my part in enabling, dismissing and ignoring the behavior I did not have to endure, but did, because no matter how bad things seemed, being alone was terrifying. I have an extensive education in art therapy, counseling, marriage and family therapy, life coaching, health coaching and trauma informed care. But education can only get me so far. It took me forever to realize everything I needed to be whole was already mine. I realized the story I kept rereading is not my story at all. It was the accumulation of years of unresolved pain and loss. I began to understand my need to cope with anxiety was just the symptom of so many unprocessed emotions, feelings and anger coming up to be addressed.
To be heard and be seen maybe for the first time in your life is profound healing experience we all need and deserve. I am humble and aware enough to know unconditional love for another can only be achieved when you unconditionally can love yourself. It is a constant and consistent work in progress without expectation and timelines. An adult that has chosen to heal, chooses a great responsibility and there are going to be parts of you that are not on board with your quest. Those parts that still feel anger. The anger you grasp onto because it served in your survival and became your sense of control. Your default protection. It is how you survived feeling unloved, unseen and punished for your voice, your responses and your emotions about the abandonment you experienced. Compassion is needed when you haven't yet figured out why asserting your voice and boundaries feels so uncomfortable. Simply because when you did assert yourself you were punished with emotional, verbal, physical and spiritual abuse and neglect.
It is hard to let go of the anger (its protection) when the core wound is left unattended. It is necessary to acknowledge our reason for needing it when we were powerless as children dependent on our daily needs being met. Ironically it was bare minimum we became accustomed to and now accept the few crumbs we get tossed in our adult relationships and continue the cycle of giving more (or even giving it all) just to feel momentarily that we matter.
Often we think self love is the answer but once we seek self love we quickly become disappointed when we realize it takes dedication, discipline and a complete rewiring of how we think and move in our life. It can often feel daunting and selfish. Only to be followed by realizing we have to love all of ourselves which includes the self harm we inflicted upon ourselves. If we cannot forgive our mistakes, we resist looking at the dark and ugly and shameful things we did. We continue our demise by holding tighter onto the anger and resentment we're feeling and look outward for resolution and healing from the same people (either those in our life already or those we continuously attract) who knowingly will confirm what they already showed us. Time and again your true feelings and intimate expressions rise to the surface. What happens when it comes up? We dismiss it by shifting the focus on what others did and said, are doing and saying and then having the thoughts and assumptions about their intentions behind the behavior. Again, this is not your fault. There is no room for blame. But it is your responsibility to examine the unique patterns of relationship dynamics that continue to be traumatizing. And it must be addressed rather than numbed or ignored.
This fact is where my job becomes most important. How I approach my client’s resistance is a delicate decision. I have to know my boundaries and respect theirs before I speak or write and at the same time be as honest and empathetic as possible. My agenda is irrelevant if I truly aim to coach you through your trauma with an intention set to do no harm.
If my words your reading resonate I want you know that you are not stuck because someone or many someone's have hurt you or continue to hurt you. I see it from a perspective that in order to justify anybody's behavior (even your own) you have to enable the behavior for it to continue. If you can understand this you can understand the forgiving, the letting go and self acceptance needed to continue your healing process. Again, without an agenda and at your own pace.
An abusive person is a traumatized person.
A traumatized person is an abused person.
The work comes down to one simple fact;
A traumatized person can and will be abusive to some extent, at some point, at sometime in their life.
If we cannot look at this, the cycle will continue in your life and will continue to be passed along to your family, your children's family and so on.
By choosing to do the work, you are healing, you are breaking the cycle.
I am not going to lie and tell you it is going to be easy because I know how hard it is.
It is the "Why" that motivates us to continue the work even in our worst, most self defeating mindset. The "Why" needs you to show up and protect it above all else. Not the anger, it is just a distraction. As a certified coach I work with clients ready to heal from trauma. Trauma is multifaceted and complex; ranging from a single event to prolonged exposure. I strongly believe you already have within you everything you need to heal. I am passionate about supporting your recovery. I can’t wait to be a part of your journey towards achieving balance and personal well-being.
Stacy Oliveri
Certified Life Coach/Health Coach
Master’s Degree in Counseling/Marriage & Family Therapy
My commitment to your recovery
• Believing in you and your ability to achieve your vision of success
• Sharing in-depth information and knowledge with you so you can move forward with your recovery
• Allowing you to be 100% authentic and fully YOU
• Holding you accountable to act from your highest self, even when you may not feel that way
• Being in integrity and honest at all times
• Holding high standards for you and for myself
• Being kind and patient with your progress so that you know you always have a safe place to express where you are
• Sharing creative action steps, ideas and inspiration without the need to have you “like” them (if you don’t like an action step or an idea that we create, no problem—we’ll create another one or you’ll be inspired to create your own)
• Coaching you to your highest self and to achieve your highest potential
• Knowing that there are unlimited possibilities available to you, no matter what any particular situation looks like
• Caring deeply about you and your successful recovery